It’s 10:23 on a Monday night and I feel alone again.

I live with my fiancé and we are having a baby (I’m 24 weeks pregnant today)

I had a tough day at work and came home to the eternal question… “whats for tea babe?” I told him we needed to go shopping but he was adamant we had food in the house…

So after me assuring him we had nothing to make a meal out of I ended up cooking some mini sausage rolls and oven chips which were in the freezer (and had been for around a year)

I did not want this… but I also did not want to go shopping and carry it back by myself… and didn’t want the inevitable argument if I tried to make him leave the house again

He went up to the computer while I cooked and came down only to eat then back upstairs he went to game and chat with his friends… he still doesn’t know I had a bad day

I understand that the evenings are the best time for gaming and online chatting but it also means we have no time just us… even when he comes to bed he’s still snapping and messaging etc.

I’ve learned not to ask about what he’s doing or who he’s talking to as the answer to the first will always be ‘just chilling’ and the second usually ends up in an argument generally accusing me of being controlling or a gaslighter… (I haven’t broached the subject in nearly a year)

He’s just come into the bedroom and studiously looking anywhere but at my face grumpily asking whats my attitude for… then left the room to go for his normal half an hour toilet break where he yet again chats and messages anyone but me

At this point I think I could change anything and he wouldn’t notice… I honestly feel like I could be a faceless warm blob laid in his bed and as long as I carried on incubating his baby he wouldn’t notice